I've been thinking- its long!!

Sorry I have been a bit quiet recently but i have been busy attempting my masters essay, training, baking, missing my folks and dogs but most importantly I have been thinking a far bit. So I thought maybe I would share some of my weird and random thoughts with you!

My first one that has been on my mind a lot recently which i guess started my other thoughts off, is why are strangers sometimes the best friends? Why are they more supportive than the people you speak to and classify as friends? To my darling friends who are reading this I am not talking about you, neither am I talking about my family!

Do you find every so often, especially if you are losing weight, trying something new, just generally altering something even if its just your curtains, that friends ask "Why? You are fine the way you are." "But that looks alright!" You know the phrases!! But stranger friends (and yes I know not all strangers are polite and nice, we have had that experience a far bit recently!!) if they ask why? its usually cause they are interested. They seem to accept your decisions and opinions more easily! They might not agree but they hear you out more. But why?

So these questions then led to me thinking about Life Choices (not minority media as I should be thinking about for my essay!) Now, I don't believe you can control your life completely, and I have no idea if I believe in fate or that life is preplanned or anything but I do know when you get to a cross road you get given a chose! Left or Right? You make that choice! I mean you can go left, find it too hard, or that it doesn't suit you and then turn round and try the righthand side of the road, which might suit you better! So this is where I am right now!

My life is on a path with multiple paths! Actually no I prefer the analogy of a flow chart or a spider diagram - everything is interlinked, every aspect has choices and no one answer is right and no decision is wrong. I mean it might not be right for me but it might be perfect for other people.

The obvious one for me is health, diet and fitness, I guess - I knew I wanted to get fit, to lose weight, to be healthy. So I lost weight, (not healthily I will admit and I promise at some stage we will discuss the "heartbreak" diet) so I had achieved one thing - but oh my!! I was so unhappy! I cried constantly, my mum was worried sick, I had no energy, I was drinking sooooooo much! Therefore something else had to change - fitness! So I started at the gym, cardio galore! Oh I could manage that but the idea of a press up?? Not a chance!! So another thing had to change! Well into my life weights, kettlebells and TWITTER!! Mark and Stu!! #gymfree !! This worked for ME! The natural progression for me was then diet, so I cleaned that up - I listened to Mark on healthy eating, vitamins and I loved it, I found a passion, so I started doing my own research and tried different forms of diet, carb cycle, Keto, fruit overload, you name it I read about it, thought about it, and most of the time tried it! At the moment I am trying high protein, low carb, no fruit, and currently 7 weeks off the booze! At this moment in time it appears to be working for me! The first time since losing weight, my skin is looking better and cleaner - who wants to be 30 and have spots!

But fitness, diet and health does a lifestyle alone not make!! So I know I need to explore the other themes in my life - I used to hate reading as a child, dyslexia can do that to a person, but then I went through a stage of loving it! I found a genre I adored and related to, now I am bored of that so need to find another one that suits me! I need to expand my reading again! Try new things! Religion!! now I know this is a difficult theme, and here I think sums up my ideas on Life Choices! There are so many religions out there, how can I chose just one without looking, learning, discussing, as many possibilities as I can. And you know what I might find religion in any form is not for me! But I have the choice, do I look, learn, explore and decide, or do I just accept life as I am handed it?

I did warn you all that I had been thinking too much and to be honest writing this now has started me off again, so I am going to leave it here for tonight and think my thoughts threw a bit more so I stop rambling!!!

But I also guess it is time to be brave and do a progress pic! Please not this pic is me working very hard and relaxed I look nothing like this. Oh and apologises for the serious face and no make up, as I say it was a very hard strength session!

Love you all! Embrace and love the choices before you as we don't always get given options or the chance to learn!

I dare you!!!

How many of you make excuses regularly? “Oh but I am tired!”, “I would but I don’t have time!”, “My dog ate my homework!” “Oh but I live alone so it’s easier!” “I always wanted to try but I am worried someone will laugh at me!” All of us do it! I know I do, I am probably the words biggest excuse maker out there! That’s why I hope you won’t mind me writing this.


I guess we should look at why we make excuses – well I know my reason, its cause it’s easy! It’s easy to say why not to do some thinking than just to do it! Ok so we can’t all succeed at everything but surely it is better to try something and fail than to never try and then never know if we could of! Maybe its cause it’s easier to fight with someone than to tell them how you really feel, easier to walk away than apologise for being wrong or even if you aren’t wrong to apologise for walking away and to say now you want another go! It’s easy to blame the dog than admit you need help. Easier to lift less weight than to try a bit heavier, easier to stop at a mile than to try for 2! But honestly, who wants the easy life? If you do then that is your choice and I refuse to judge. But if you don’t, please read on.

Sometimes, things happen in our lives and in the lives of others that take the easy life option away from them. They have reasons not excuses to take the easy option sometimes, but over the last few months I have been volunteering for two organisations, MS Society, http://www.mssociety.co.uk/ and Help for Heroes, http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/ and I have discovered it’s usually the people who have a “right” or in a way could see using excuses that don’t! Last night, this was brought crashing back into my thought!

“Harry’s Arctic Heroes!” – for those of you who didn’t see it here is the link http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b013y230/Harrys_Arctic_Heroes_Episode_1 (I hope it works abroad, if it doesn’t please go to this website and read their story http://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/ .) These amazing guys don’t know the meaning of excuses or the easy life! They are inspirations! They are HEROES!!

So I have had an idea to honour these guys – if you want to give money and support them then please go to their website http://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/donate/ or http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/ but that’s not my idea! I dare you, for one hour, for one day, for one month, for one year (I will leave the details to you) to not make an excuse, or to pick up the phone and call the person you “haven’t had time to” or say sorry to the person “that it was too long ago” to make a situation better, or even just to try something new that you have been putting off for whatever reason. As I said I will leave the details to you but I dare you to honour “the trying”, honour “the slightly less easy route”, and honour those who don’t give up.



HONOUR OUR HEROES!!

SOOOO BORING!!!

Morning my darling - ok well afternoon! How are you all? Sorry I have been a bit quiet recently - honestly I have not been up to anything interesting but working on my essay and the gym!

So what has happened.... ummmm actually nothing! The boys came to see us on Friday. Apologises for the terrible pic as I had no make up on!

Oh I brought myself a treat for 6 weeks no drinking!

Don't you just love them. Shame I never go anywhere to wear them!!

This week is a new week and a new step in the diet! We are trying for no more than 75grms of carbs in a day!! Shockingly my folks have decided to go away whilst I try and succeed in this!! If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this or a secret to success please let me know. I am also upping my cardio this week, which has already started with my 7am Spin class. Lets see if I do anymore this week shall we? Oh and for the recod Vibrams and spin don't mix!!

This weekend is a big charity weekend for me with Help for Heroes collecting at ASDA all over the country - guys in the UK if you are free please call H4H and volunteer. I am also now a promoter for http://www.spartanraces.com/ so if you want a discount on your entrance fee please let me know!!

Ok I promise to try and do something exciting this week so I can fill you in!!

Love Ya x  C x x

Lost Soul!

Hey sweeties.

So as most of you know I don't work! Whilst this is seen by some as a great thing those of you who don't work will know sometimes it isn't so great. I recently read a blog by a brilliant lady which kinda of explains what I am talking about. http://ihearteggs.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/mild-identity-crisis/

To be honest some of the issues Becca is going through I have been dealing with for the last 18 months since moving back home. After the initial heartache of everything going wrong and leaving my life in South Africa, the tears I cried then became focused on other things - the guilt that I had left my amazing parents to deal with my dad's illness alone, the fact I had missed nearly my sister's entire pregnancy and the whole IVF process they went through, then came panic!! WHAT DO I DO NOW? Well luckily for me, my folks sorted the first few months by us moving house - yet again I was saying good bye to friends but I was excited to start a new life and to be near my sister and nephew. That summer was lush - weather wise! Mum and I sat in the sun, chilling, discussing everything and anything, but soon it was decision time.

So I looked for jobs... I have absolutely no skills, well except drinking, sunbathing and hating all men. Also I had no idea what I wanted to do. Thats when mum suggested being a student again! I like the idea but I wasn't sure how I felt about leaving my family again and being a "mature" student. I also wasn't keen on being a part time student or living at home and travelling in and out of uni - I think you miss sooooo much of uni life doing this. So distance learning seemed the way forward! Thats how I came to do my masters.

But doing a masters wasn't enough - I needed to do more, oh in case you didn't know I am kinda of an "all or nothing girl!" So I started volunteering for the MS Society as branch secetary - committee meetings once a month, events, and coffee and cakes one day a week, 3 weeks of the month! I was told it would be wouldn't take up too much of my time. Well, you know what, you get out what you put into these things! I must admit now that when Harry was poorly and in the run up to my exam I did miss a few meetings and events and how I regret it, I missed them. So now I am doing my masters and the MS Society! Ahhh but still I had time to think, so I volunteered for Help for Heroes! This was one of the best decissions I love them.

And then there is my obsession with the gym! I tend to go twice a day, WHY?  Shallow? Vain? Possibily! Does it give me that reason to actually get out of bed? YES! I could do a lot of my work from my bed!

 My alarm goes off at 5;30am - ok it takes about 15 -30mins for me to actually get out of bed, then I have breakie and hit the gym normally for around 7am, I am home by 9am - I'm up! I do my work, help my mum, be an aunty, whatever my job describption is for the day - then I hit the gym again at 5pm! Now I know why I go then - no its not to perv (it would be if something to look at!!) but no, its so I don't start drinking again every evening or constantly eating - issues I have had in the past! I find the time between finishing work and dinner for some reason the hardest time of the day to be alone. I know I am a nut job!!!

At this stage in 2010 you never got  pic of me without wine

So why can't I stop at all of these as well as being an aunty and a daughter? Why do I not find that this is enough? Well let me explain. I personally struggle cause I find I end up justify to people what I do, why I don't work Monday to Friday 9 - 5! The simple reason is, I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be. I am a lost soul! But I think whilst I am finding out who I am and what I want to do I should give my time to others and learn! To me that makes sense, does it to you?

Food Macros and the Weekend!

Hi All

Sorry it's been a few days since I have spoken to you all! Hope you are all well!!

This weekend I went to the BullDog Bash!! WHOAAAA!!! It was brilliant! Bikers absolutely rock! Status Quo were also amazing! I was there with Help for Heroes collecting and selling merchandise! Here are a few pics!

The best bit of the BullDog Bash was being able to also watch the Big Boss compete!! I was so proud!! Hopefully he will add a comment and tell you all about what exactly he did and how he got on!!

The "worst" bit of the weekend was the Mr Fudgeman! The diet went bye bye big time but oh my Status Quo on a sugar rush!!

Soooo, what else have I been up to?! Well not my essay thats for sure! I promise I will focus on it tomorrow!! Anyway, I spent the weekend trying to work out my food macros! Who knew they would be so complicated and who knew that a banana had sooooooooo many carbs!! Anyway I think I have worked it out so I will give it a go and see!

I know this was a short entry but just wanted to check in and say hi!

x x x x x Love you all x x x  x

The Good, The Bad, The Freaky and The Confused!!

Hello my lovelies!!

How are we all doing? Well the UK is being taken over by scum and thugs but its ok cause there are some amazing people who are not sitting back and taking it!! @riotcleanup is one of them and the wonderful @inkilterfitness has been out there cleaning up the streets of London! And he is Scottish!!!! :-) I am so proud of how the good and honest people of Britain have come together.

 

Moving on however, my great news from the couple of days since I blogged is that I managed my first ever unassisted chin up!! Actually not just one but three! Perv luckily was on hand so we managed to get pics! I am however incredibly freaked out by my shoulders and no my hair isn't that short it is just tied up!

 

 

 

So what else have I been up to... well...

• I attempted batch two of my homemade protein balls "following" the recipe of @markpt - so ok I ran out of peanut butter, had no milk substance of any source so I made them with extra algava syrup and water! Guess what!!!! They were better than batch 1!! Way too sweet for me but they are better. Does anyone else eat protein bars or balls? If so which make? I am looking for one which is low fat, low sugar, low carb and super high protein! Am I asking for too much?

• I went to my WI meeting the first one in months - well i have been busy - for those of you who are either laughing your heads off right now or not sure what WI is, it stands for Woman's Institutes - you know as in "Calender Girls" - well the branch I go to is for younger people and is not all Jam and Jerusalem! This months meeting was lead by http://www.sknclinics.co.uk/ OH MY!!! They scanned my face! SUN DAMAGE!!!! Big wake up call! Lets not even discuss the other issues with my skin!

• I have also done some work on my masters! Have I mentioned I am doing my masters - its in Media, Communication and Public Relations, if I haven't or you had forgotten! Well while waiting for my exam result (fairly sure I failed) I am still having to do my next essay! So when I say I have been doing some work on it, I might kinda mean I sat down and read the questions several times, tried to decide which to do, couldn't so posted it on FB and asked my darling friends to decide. They went with this one ...You have been invited to take charge of developing a new ethnic minority media service in your own country. What would be your ideal vision of this service and what would you do to try and ensure it's realisation in practice? All help would be appreciated!

Tomorrow I am off to a coffee and cake morning with the MS Society, it has been a while since I have been so it will be lovely to see all the ladies again! By the way, I won't be having cake. This weekend, well Friday and Saturday, I am working at an event called The BullDog Bash selling merchandise for Help for Heroes so not sure when I will be able to blog over that time but hopefully I will have some amazing pics for you!! Seriously check out the website it looks brilliant. http://www.bulldogbash.com/ so with all this going on and the gym, and attempting to get some of my essay done I should be quite busy, but if I think of anything remotely interesting to say I will let you all know! Oh and of course when I am putting off doing any work!!

x x x How is the rest of your week looking and your plans for the weekend going? x x x

My Weekend! Warning - long and lots of pics!!!!

Hey all!!

So lets answer the big question first! Did I drinking this weekend? NO!!!!!!!!
I went out on Friday night, Saturday we went to Twickenham and then to a few pubs in Twickenham/Richmond area and then Soho and still I didn't drink!! Did I stick to my strict diet? No!!!! I treated myself with chocolate and a couple of meals out! But hey, considering what it could of been like thats not bad!

Before we get on to the weekend though, I must share this pic of me and my mummy!! Both wearing our home nations shirts!! Mum is her Wales Shirt and me in my England black one! How cute is my mum???!!?!?

Friday night, The BGB and I got down to London and went to the Food Market at the Southbank, we got there late so it was closing down but we saw some amazing cheese cakes but we resisted!! Instead we went and had dinner at the Canteen! I kinda messed up here with my ordering as I ordered a salad and didn't think about the dressing, well none was mentioned on the menu but it was yummy! BGB had steak and salad and chips with what according to him was an amazing ale!

I had Green Tea, a mocktail called Whats Up Doc? Bascially Carrot Juice with a bit of orange juice and then a roast chicken salad, with broad beans and celery!

Saturday Morning, I made the BGB his first ever egg white and seed omlette, he claims it wasn't too bad, I also allowed him bacon! Never have I seen someone so happy to see Pie and Mash at the rugby before!! I think that meal lasted 5 seconds! I however had my protein ball and veg! Yes I took veg in a zip-lock bag to the rugby with me! At this stage I have a confession, I did allow myself to drink Diet Coke, well in my defense there is only soooooo much water a girl can drink!!

Anyway, RUGBY WAS AMAZING!!! I apologise now for the obseen amount of photos I took of JWs bum!!! Here are a couple from the game! For me it was quite emotional seeing England play in black for some reason! Also I think if the game had lasted 5 mins more Wales could of won!

After the rugby we headed to Soho via some pubs, and then had a thai meal! Instead of having a thai green which i would of used to order with no second thoughts I ordered a chicken stir fry and steamed rice with a crunch veg salad! It was lush! First time I have had rice in months though! Ok a month a bit! At this stage I made a fatal mistake. I TOOK MY SHOES OFF!! Game over! They were not going back on!! So I made the decision to leave the boys to it and head home, after picking up a couple of chocolates! Oh they tasted good!! It was my treat for not drinking! Well I tell you what! 30 mins late my stomach was killing me! I don't know if it was the chocolate or the rice but oh my!! NEVER AGAIN!! Lesson learnt! Must stick to clean diet! - well except lunch on Sunday but I will get to that!

Sunday morning I woke up and no BGB!!!! He had stayed with the boys, had anyone thought to let me know? NO!! Did the flat stay unlocked all night and with me hardly sleeping in it? YES!! So Sunday morning slightly grumpy ClaireBear went for a little jog to clear my head, only a mile as it was my rest weekend. How did I feel? Well I felt proud for not drinking, and I knew my mum was! She had been texting me all day! But disappointed with myself for the chocolate! AHHHHH!!!! So once I had discovered BGB was ok, I decided I needed some more Claire thinking time, so I did something I haven't done since I left SA.

Now, I have been to church since SA but mainly on my own to think, not to a service. You will never guess what the sermon was about!! "WILLPOWER!" Now I know I know, this could be a bit of a horoscope situation, you know when you read one and you make it fit to your life, but even so it spoke to me! I felt happier, I felt I should be proud of myself for what I had done, and the disappointment of giving in to chocolate, is fine, that will be my next hurdle, my next step! I walked out of church and the sun was shining!! Great day!!

Then it went a bit messed up! BGB texted, he had broken his bank card and needed me to go get him! Sooooo, I walk to the tube stop and realise I don't have my travel card, well I hadn't planned on using the tube, so I had to buy two new tickets, travel to meet BGB and then back again! We walk out of the station and RAIN!!! So there went my great mood and my plans of watching the Triathlons in Hyde Park, I must warn you I was also hungry as it was now 2pm and I hadn't eaten since half 9. BGB smelt, and was terribly hungover, so we decide, as he was driving us back home, that food was the most important thing and he wanted carbs!! Sooo off to the mexican we went!! No joke I wanted in there and went "Whats the quickest starters you have?" "Bread and mexican corn popodoms!" "One of each please!!" - Bread for BGB of course, I didn't think about the pops being deep fried I wanted something there and then! I did ask for salsa not sour cream though!! Then we looked at the menu! Here are pics of our food, guess who had what!!

Food done, back to the flat, BGB showered, I packed and home we headed! Well, when I say home guess where I got BGB to drop me off!!!

x x x  And that was my weekend lovelies!! x x x

"Everything in Moderation!"

"Everything in Moderation!" or "Moderation is best", I have never heard these two phrases so much in my life as this weekend and well month in general to be honest. Now I know its my own fault as I asked everyones opinion on whether or not I should drink this weekend and these two answers came back mostly!

But serious have you ever actually thought about it. They are kinda of silly things to say, a bit like "It will be in the last place you look!" Really cause once I have found what I am looking for will I really keep looking for?? Anyway moderation! I mean today when I said to a friend I had quit drinking (no longer am I putting a time period of this) she said " Well moderation is best!" Well actually its not!!! Lets take drinking off the table here... lets replace it with say.... Fish and Chips! If I ate fish and chips 7 days a weeks and someone said I find moderation is best and I cut it down to 4 days a week, that would be moderation and yes it would be better, but what if I stopped eating the heavy oil covered fish and chips with creamy mushy peas and curry sauce completely - would that not be better for my health more than the 4 times a week, or even 4 times a year???

Anyway this was just a quick picture question rant entry to let you all know I am alive after my weekend in London and at the rugby!! I will spend some time tomorrow doing a fuller entry with pics telling you all about it!!

Hope you all had a great weekend! Let me know!!

x x x  x

I'm back!!!

Whoop Whoop!!! Hi Everybody!!!

Sorry for the silence I have had a small technically difficulty recently with both the "wonderful" iPhone and my laptop! Saying that my laptop has been playing up for a couple of years so when it finally gave up its fight I kinda of felt relieved! I tried to take over Dad's bit he is an only child and doesn't know how to share!

Anyway, new laptop "Percy" arrived today!!! Itunes installed, so now have most of my music but not all, photos have been transfered, so expect more personal ones coming up, and skype uploaded! What else do I need??

So what has ClaireBear been up to? Good question!! Well other than the normal poor performance at the gym, the nights trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up and of course trying to work out my phone, I have had a few things happen!

• I have eventually moved into my flat, well by flat I mean the top floor of the house and by moved in I mean into the kitchen! Mum loves me she claimed but not my suppliments or seeing my stripped, limited fruit diet! I think she is worried I will crack and eat her chocolate so in a way she is being supportive. But it was a move that needed to be done and I am enjoying it. Lonely which is strange as my folks are only 10 stairs away!

• I went to Yoga, you might not know but I have a love hate realtionship with yoga, or at least my Monday night teacher! But I went, and I am going tomorrow, all be it with a different teacher, who also happens to be my gardener, he knows I make his tea so he will be nice to me!!!
• I went to see Harry Potter with Badge as a reward for well I think "doing" my food plan, well writing it up is technically "doing" it in my eyes! Anyway I got scared by the snake ( it was in 3D) and I cried!!
• I had the plumbers in AGAIN!! (New hot water system required) The Stonemasons to fix the steps; The Carpenters to fix the doors, (ok so one was lush until he told me he had to take a couple of the doors away!!)  By the way one of the doors he is taken is in the photo behind my mum and Molly!!
• I learnt the importance of taking makeup off and putting moisturiser on!! Yes it has taken me 28 years to learn this interesting fact, well I knew about it but to be honest too lazy!
• Oh and I ranted big time on twitter about a couple of things which I won't go into again as some people get annoyed!!

The BIG news is this weekend is my rest weekend!!! I am going to the rugby at Twickenham to see England thrash Wales (hopefully!!) I am planning on keeping up with my not drinking rule but to be fair if I break it I break it and hope no one will judge.

When I started not drinking (does that make sense?) this was going to be the end and the blow out weekend and then it would start again until Vikki's 30th! So lets see what happens! I really do hope none of you will judge or be disappointed in me, I am trying so hard at eating clean and training, and looking after my body, I even used a face mask tonight!!!

Anyway, now that you guys will have nightmares for the rest of the week, I will bid you good night!! x x x

x x x  Stay Safe!! x x x